This is my silence.

Have you ever stopped to wonder,
It’s not always the person you blame?

The one who is terrified to speak up is
The real victim of mistreatment.

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The ABC’s of Home for the Holidays

Always waking up without alarms. My
Body forgot how to sleep in.

Cookies and my favorite snacks from my
Dear parents are packed and waiting for me.

Every year, I anxiously look
Forward to the winter breaks,
Gingerbread homes, baking, and the idea of
Hibernating for a whole month
Instead of studying. I start to dig for the
Jackets and scarves I left behind to
Keep me warm for the next month.

Lazy days full of hot chocolate with extra
Marshmallows and noon
Naps are the cure to my school stresses.

Ornaments bring color to the Christmas tree and
Poinsettas decorate every room. The house is
Quiet, everyone is still at work. There’s something about
Reindeer, hot cider, blankets, and
Snow that remind me why I
Travel back to this place to
Unite with the freezing temperatures to
Visit my loved ones.

Wrapping paper is strewn across the floors for the
Xmas presents. I am eager for the
Yummy Christmas feast but not the
Zero degree wind chills and frostbite.

Amusement Park

The one thing we’ve all been told is
Life is a roller coaster.

That is no exaggeration.
We go through ups and downs and twists and steep falls,
Sometimes left hanging upside down for a few seconds.
But one thing remains:
We always end.

But we always begin again.

Flooding windows.

One day, I will know.
One day, I will be able to comfort you.
Your pain hurts me in indescribable ways.
I am ashamed I cannot understand you.
I wish I knew that same feeling.
Those hot, salty tears streaming down
Your face long to be understood.
And though I will never wish bad on anyone,
I cannot wait for the day
I cry the same tears you cry.
So when the day finally comes,
I will comprehend the same language
And we won’t have to use tears
To say what we truly feel.

Unspoken home.

The future awaits.
The long, head-aching days.
The joyfully bright, sunny days.
They’re all waiting to happen.

The twists and turns that life takes us on
Lead to a greater road that takes us home.

And the best part is we get to choose.
Who we love, how we feel, what we do.
It’s up to us to discover what makes our world spin.

And if we never do,
It will be okay.
Because home can be the future.
The comfort of the unknown.

Home.
Something we find, embrace, enjoy, forget, leave, but will always come back to.

Spilling.

You say things without realizing the commitment.
Those words ease my mind, but only temporary.
I’m tired of the unanswered questions.
The unfulfilled declarations.
Disappointment, everywhere.
Overflowing.
Over this.

Quicksand.

I’ve hit a brick wall.
The kind that laughs at your naivety.
I will recollect myself, I say.
Maybe not today, but I will.

I’m clueless.
My hands don’t look like they belong to me anymore.
My life doesn’t feel mine anymore.

I’m searching left and right for a sign.
A path that will guide me.
I’m not ready.
But I will have to pretend I am.
I tell myself that I am okay.
But in all reality, I’m everything but.

And the longer I wait, the more I sink.
This hole of darkness confuses me.
I should be terrified of it.
But I can only find comfort.

Secrets.

We are just piles of stardust that are capable of loving.
Loving someone more than we can love ourselves.
A love that is so powerful, it scares us.
And out of insecurity, we hide it.
But love doesn’t go anywhere.
It will always be there.

War.

Our relationship was built on battles.
I always fought you.
It was an endless tight rope performance.
Balancing my freedom with the treacherous cage you had for me.

Nothing impressed you.
Nothing worked.
It just tore us apart.
With time, we were both tired.
Exhausted of the passive aggression.
We grew tired of having the constant need to prove ourselves.

This was not who I am.
I drove myself crazy trying to bury the sharp ends.
I hated you being mad at the frenzy.
And I hated you being content with the stillness.
You didn’t love me.
You loved how you could control me.

The harm wasn’t worth it.
The tears, the restless nights, the fear.
None of that was worth it.