Platonic.

I see you see me.
Ignoring the history.
We scurry along.

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Secrets.

We are just piles of stardust that are capable of loving.
Loving someone more than we can love ourselves.
A love that is so powerful, it scares us.
And out of insecurity, we hide it.
But love doesn’t go anywhere.
It will always be there.

War.

Our relationship was built on battles.
I always fought you.
It was an endless tight rope performance.
Balancing my freedom with the treacherous cage you had for me.

Nothing impressed you.
Nothing worked.
It just tore us apart.
With time, we were both tired.
Exhausted of the passive aggression.
We grew tired of having the constant need to prove ourselves.

This was not who I am.
I drove myself crazy trying to bury the sharp ends.
I hated you being mad at the frenzy.
And I hated you being content with the stillness.
You didn’t love me.
You loved how you could control me.

The harm wasn’t worth it.
The tears, the restless nights, the fear.
None of that was worth it.

February 25, 2017.

That night,
You held me in your arms.
You wiped the tears as they spilled from my eyes.
Without judgement,
You told me to not let my past define me.
Nestled in your safety,
I had never felt such comfort before this.

That night,
You reminded me I was a good person.
You knew the words I longed to hear for years.

That night,
I realized I loved you.
My world didn’t know sunlight until I met you.
I love you with a love I never knew existed.

Speckles.

We’re each a part of a bigger picture.
When compared in relativity to size,
We don’t matter.
But when the sun shines on you,
You are everything.
Everything I don’t know and have never believed in.

You bring out the mysterious unknown.
All while hiding it with a layer of silky comfort.
Your relativity goes beyond a speck of dust.
We might be nothing to the universe,
but my universe is nothing without you.

You’re just a speckle in the middle of numerous colors.
But the greatest wonders will never amount to you.
And at the end of the day, here you are.
Standing out, screaming out:
Love with the love we love to love.

Aching.

Piece by piece, for hours and hours,
This pain eats away at my body.
My brain stops me from living.
I envy bright days and peaceful nights.
I’m a prisoner to my own mind.
Desperate for a cure.

Refresher.

I am a strong believer in the power of new beginnings.

January 1st is usually that time of year where we all make impossible promises to ourselves and just hope that we can forgive ourselves enough to try again next year. It’s all fine. At least you’re planning.

New Year and birthdays are good opportunities to both reflect on past achievements (and failures) and look ahead. They can serve as an opportunity to focus on what you want to achieve and who you want to become.

This past year has been one crazy roller coaster ride for me. I don’t feel myself being the same person I was even a few months ago, and I am completely fine with it. That being said, I hope to change my focus and live a little this next year. I want a more adventurous, balanced, and fulfilling life. Hereโ€™s a list based on my dreams, maybe someone will feel inspired by some points.

โˆ™โ€ขโˆ™

Adventure.

๐ŸŒŒ marvel at the night sky

โœจ say yes more often

๐ŸŒŠ discover a few secret beach paradises

๐Ÿž appreciate nature more

Soul.

๐Ÿฝ try a new food every month (or every week if I’m feeling’ a little bold)

๐Ÿ“ธ document my life with photos

โš– find my inner zen

๐Ÿ’‡๐Ÿป get the hair I want

๐Ÿ•ฏ minimalism

๐Ÿ”ฎ pay attention to the hidden magic in life

๐Ÿƒ practice mindfulness

๐Ÿ“– read at least two books per month

๐Ÿ–Š write a lot

๐Ÿ’Œ write more letters

Health.

โฐ develop a healthy sleeping pattern

๐Ÿšด๐Ÿป do some kind of physical activity at least 3x a week

๐ŸŒ drink more smoothies (and water!)

๐ŸŽ feed my body with more fruits and veggies

๐Ÿ›€๐Ÿป get enough rest

People.

๐Ÿ’ž strive for real connections beyond superficialities. talk about meaningful things.

โค๏ธ always let people know how much theyโ€™re appreciated

๐Ÿ’› take the little extra step to make people happy

๐Ÿ’š more hugs and less fear of being touchy-feely

๐Ÿ’™ be a better girlfriend and work on my short temper

๐Ÿ’œ take good care of my relationships โ€“ both friends and family

๐Ÿ’– connect with fellow creatives and bloggers

Personal & Professional Goals.

๐Ÿ–‹ improve my writing skills

๐Ÿ“š invest more time in my studies

๐ŸŒธ learn more about the world. Random fun facts never hurt anyone.

๐Ÿ’ป work on my blog

โˆ™โ€ขโˆ™

Of course this isn’t all going to be done all at once. But I know I am capable of completing all of these. I am so determined. Iโ€™ll tackle a few every month and keep track of the regular ones with lists. I’m so excited!

Summer.

We are just small organisms that roam about
With no real knowledge of our true purpose.
The sun guides us, feeds us, keeps us alive.
Distance has never punished us, but solely
Revealed the beauty of changing the seasons.
We are either the surviving tree or the falling leaves.
But change is the one thing that keeps us alive.
Learning, evolving, growing. There’s no end.
And the day we stop changing, we stop living.

Soul food.

Reading has always been a form of coping for me when I need a break, an escape, a stress-reliever, a decision influence (this works sometimes, I swear), etc.
Reading a book twice might be seen as a criminal act to some people. But we, as humans, are constantly changing. Our decoding and interpretation of words is endlessly evolving.
My favorite way of exploring my emotional (and intellectual) growth is by highlighting as I read. I highlight the most emotionally moving parts in a book so when I open this book a second (or third) time around, I am able to reminisce and ponder on my old thoughts. I always end up reflecting on how much things have changed and question why I was so emotional during some parts.
Books are powerful. They can make us instantly switch emotions, moods, minds, locations, and even time periods. They bring us to places we want to go, and let us be the people we want to be. The decision of whether we choose to enforce these changes into reality is up to ourselves.
Words can sometimes be the one thing we need to leap head first into our fears.
Let them change your life a little.
We have nothing to lose.

Rotten.

There are so many instances where I can’t understand why I did what I did.

Failed dreams, life-altering choices, unhealthy relationships, toxic events.

There are so many unexplained decisions that have changed me in ways that I still can’t understand. And to tell you the truth, I really don’t know who I am. But I know that one day I will. So I’m still here. And here is good.