Any questions?

Love made me feel like I knew the answer.
But when I raised my hand,
I was the only one in the room.

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Quicksand.

I’ve hit a brick wall.
The kind that laughs at your naivety.
I will recollect myself, I say.
Maybe not today, but I will.

I’m clueless.
My hands don’t look like they belong to me anymore.
My life doesn’t feel mine anymore.

I’m searching left and right for a sign.
A path that will guide me.
I’m not ready.
But I will have to pretend I am.
I tell myself that I am okay.
But in all reality, I’m everything but.

And the longer I wait, the more I sink.
This hole of darkness confuses me.
I should be terrified of it.
But I can only find comfort.

War.

Our relationship was built on battles.
I always fought you.
It was an endless tight rope performance.
Balancing my freedom with the treacherous cage you had for me.

Nothing impressed you.
Nothing worked.
It just tore us apart.
With time, we were both tired.
Exhausted of the passive aggression.
We grew tired of having the constant need to prove ourselves.

This was not who I am.
I drove myself crazy trying to bury the sharp ends.
I hated you being mad at the frenzy.
And I hated you being content with the stillness.
You didn’t love me.
You loved how you could control me.

The harm wasn’t worth it.
The tears, the restless nights, the fear.
None of that was worth it.

The truth.

It wasn’t me who ended it.
I would have never given up on him.
I would have kept trying.
I would have tried until I completely self-destructed.
And in time I guess I did.