Downpour.

It’s predictable but not a lie
When I tell you
Half of the water in my shower
Comes from tears.

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Flooding windows.

One day, I will know.
One day, I will be able to comfort you.
Your pain hurts me in indescribable ways.
I am ashamed I cannot understand you.
I wish I knew that same feeling.
Those hot, salty tears streaming down
Your face long to be understood.
And though I will never wish bad on anyone,
I cannot wait for the day
I cry the same tears you cry.
So when the day finally comes,
I will comprehend the same language
And we won’t have to use tears
To say what we truly feel.

War.

Our relationship was built on battles.
I always fought you.
It was an endless tight rope performance.
Balancing my freedom with the treacherous cage you had for me.

Nothing impressed you.
Nothing worked.
It just tore us apart.
With time, we were both tired.
Exhausted of the passive aggression.
We grew tired of having the constant need to prove ourselves.

This was not who I am.
I drove myself crazy trying to bury the sharp ends.
I hated you being mad at the frenzy.
And I hated you being content with the stillness.
You didn’t love me.
You loved how you could control me.

The harm wasn’t worth it.
The tears, the restless nights, the fear.
None of that was worth it.

February 25, 2017.

That night,
You held me in your arms.
You wiped the tears as they spilled from my eyes.
Without judgement,
You told me to not let my past define me.
Nestled in your safety,
I had never felt such comfort before this.

That night,
You reminded me I was a good person.
You knew the words I longed to hear for years.

That night,
I realized I loved you.
My world didn’t know sunlight until I met you.
I love you with a love I never knew existed.